LindaChubbuck | Linda Chubbuck

October 22, 2018 Forgiveness, Healing 1 Comment

Why I Visited a “Horrible” Place

I expected to feel horror.

Yes, there was a little of that. But to enter the National Memorial for Peace and Justice was to walk into a sanctuary of sorts.

National Memorial Peace-Justice Powershot Camera

From the moment we passed through airport-style security, the atmosphere was hushed and reverent. Visitors were coached about photography restrictions and told where water and restrooms were.

We began a long walk, past bronze statues of slaves in chains, naked, awaiting the auction block – which over a century ago was only a few blocks from this now-green hillside memorial. A mother with babe in arms, reaching for her husband, who was chained a few feet away to be sold down the river.

On this bright blue day, the harsh realities of being black stand in front of us. On the wall are historical facts about the racial terror lynchings that followed the freeing of the slaves over a period of close to a hundred years. Here, in the United States of America.

A former president used the term “Shock and Awe” as a war tactic. That pretty well fits how I felt as I experienced the long path up the hill to the memorial. Shock. Awe.

Then we entered the open-sided building itself. We met huge coffin size blocks of corten steel, suspended from above, at eye level. Each contains a county and state name. Below that are the names of people known to have been lynched in that county and state, and the date they were killed.

It is a little like entering a cemetery. Except that all the names are of murder victims. And all the victims were black.

My sense of awe continued, and as we made our way around the steel monuments, I saw the names of four people who died on the same day. They had the same last name. An entire family was lynched together.

I was alternating between sorrow, horror, and dismay. How can humans do this to each other? and why?

Gradually, the monuments above me were higher. I had to look up to see the counties and the names. The monuments were hanging. Just as many of the lynching victims were.

Along the walls, short stories tell of individuals who were lynched and for what (drinking from a white man’s well; talking to a white woman). Some were lynched because they were the family of a man accused who could not be found at that moment.

In the center of the four sided structure, which contains more than 800 individual monuments, I entered a large green courtyard, with the peak of the hill at its center. I walked to the highest point, overlooking the city of Montgomery. There I came to a square wooden platform and a plaque describing a frequent scene at a lynching – the accused was taken to a hanging platform, with a crowd surrounding him or her. The high point, the wooden platform, the surrounding crowd – those images were someone’s last visions before death.

So much sorrow. So much injustice. So much legacy of terror. There finally my shock and awe spilled over into tears.

The brilliant blue September sky over a peaceful Montgomery became filled with a crazed and hateful crowd calling for a death. For a moment, that death was mine and I could feel the terror and the outrage.

Then I walked down the hillside, still alive, still safe.

I returned to the memorials suspended above me. I took in the flowing water over the wall. I saw the glass covered table filled with earth taken from many sites where lynchings have occurred. I read the tribute to the many unknown lynching victims that will never be identified.

I walked through the identical monuments, laid like coffins, that are twins to the hanging ones, with identical counties, states, and named victims. Their purpose? To be given to the counties where the lynchings occurred, to be acknowledged and claimed. Is there one for my county?

Yes, there is.

So, I have friends who ask, “Why go there? What purpose does it serve? Why does it matter now! It’s over and a long time ago.” Or, “It’s horrible. I don’t want to think about it.”

I went there not for reasons of logic, but for reasons of soul. And Spirit. In this challenging time we live in, I feel deeply called to stretch my heart, to expand. To love more, even when I don’t feel like it. To be able to presence pain and sorrow and injustice. To sit with grief when called upon to do so.

That’s why I went. To sit with grief. To be present to sorrow and injustice. To acknowledge the ancestral traumas that racial lynching created that still affect all of us today.

I took photos inside the memorial with my iPhone and with my Canon Powershot. My iPhone reliably adjusted to the light and dark and captured pretty good snapshots. When I got home and loaded the Powershot (RAW) images into Lightroom for processing, I was dismayed to see spots all over the best shot I took inside the memorial. What!? I foolishly forgot to wipe the rain spots off my camera lens and spoiled the best shots. I was upset.

Then a couple of days went by. Looking at all the photos, I realized it had not rained that day at all – brilliant blue sky. I had not used that camera until that moment on the trip. There were no rain spots.

So it must have been dust. But the same location taken with my iPhone is clear. There’s no dust. And further along in the memorial, my Powershot has no dust spots at all.

The iPhone photos of the monuments glow with light. When I look at the photo I feel a presence of Light. The Powershot photo is filled with what many people call orbs. Filled with them. I cannot explain that. Except both accurately portray the sense of Light and Angels that I felt in the Memorial.

National Memorial Peace-Justice Powershot Camera – ORBS

A favorite passage of mine from A Course in Miracles says, “The blood of hatred fades to let the grass grow green again, and let the flowers be all white and sparkling in the summer sun. What was a place of death has now become a living temple in a world of light…. The holiest of all the spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love.”

My soul sent me to the Memorial. I’m beginning to understand why.

August 4, 2018 Harmony, Some Things Need to Get Said Post a Comment

Some Things Just Need to Get Said

Some things just need to get said.

In the DMZ between North and South Korea, a diverse and rich wildlife has grown up over the last 50 years. Human absence, and especially the absence of polarization, development and hostility, has allowed the wild to return.

In our national conversation the last few years, there is extreme hostility and polarization. A lack of civility, trust and empathy has created few solutions to real problems, and instead, birthed new problems for our nation and the world.

But in the DMZ – the area where no one goes, between the two sides, there is richness, diversity, possibility, and resolution.

Dissonance… and Resolution

In music, we love the uplifting sounds of harmony. But all experienced singers know this: The juiciest harmony includes moments of dissonance – moments the singers lean into and feel the edge, the vibration of “different,” and then… the dissonance resolves.

That moment of resolution is indescribably delicious, for singers and listeners alike. Like the DMZ, there’s something to be gained by going there, something we bring back when we return.

I like to go into the recovering wildness. The place where few go, where it feels strange, dissonant. Come there with me in this conversation. For a moment, give up your loyalty to either “side,” and let’s lean into the dissonance, trusting there is a resolution.

Some things just need to get said.

************************

What did God mean…. ?

My dad, born in 1915 in Central Kansas, was raised in a strict Christian Church and took it to heart. When he came of age and WWII was just beginning, he struggled with the Commandment, Thou Shalt Not Kill.

Did God say it’s okay if they are the Enemy? Or you don’t like them? No. Just Thou Shalt Not Kill.

Facing the draft as he finished college, he could not bring himself to kill or carry a gun with the intent to kill. So he applied for Conscientious Objector (CO) status. As I remember his telling it, his request was rejected by the local draft board, but approved at the state level. So he went through basic training with the other COs, and was assigned to a Connecticut mental hospital for the criminally insane for the duration of the war.

Thou Shalt Not Kill. In Dad’s mind, there was no exception to that.

My childhood was sprinkled with many stories from Norwich State Hospital… how Mom served as a secretary for one of the doctors there while Dad cared for the severely mentally ill, in terrible and sometimes dangerous conditions. It was a deeply affecting time for both my parents.

Occasionally during the war they would ride the train across country, back home, with soldiers on board. Dad told me the soldiers were always respectful to him and Mom. He never felt judged or condemned for his choice.

But after the war, as he slowly discovered, along with the rest of America and the world, the massive amount of killing that Hitler and the Nazis had been doing, he wondered. Had he done the right thing? Should he have gone to the battlefield to stop a murderer?

God’s Commandment? Or Patriotism?

Back home in Central Kansas after the war, their reception was colder than from the soldiers on the train. In the community where my dad grew up, they began attending church in the early ’50’s. Subtly, some of the members let my parents know that they thought he was wrong and unpatriotic to have chosen his path of pacifism. I was a baby and unaware, but after awhile, my parents left the church. Dad told me later he felt the church members were hypocritical. How did they interpret God’s command, Thou Shalt Not Kill? I never heard Dad judge them for their choices, but he was angry at being judged for his choice.

Before they returned to Kansas, my parents went to southern California after being released from the service. There my dad finished graduate school and started teaching history and math. He loved his students and was a good teacher.

Years later he would tell me this story that shaped his thoughts on abortion, illegal all those years.

From a Good Family

One of his favorite students was a bright and lovely young girl, a cheerleader, and bright. She began to date a young man from the same school.

Then one Monday, she didn’t show up for class. As the hours and days passed she remained missing and the story unfolded.

She had become pregnant. Oh the sin! She was from a “good family,” and could not bear the humiliation she would bring to herself and her family.

And so, she and her boyfriend drove south. Into Mexico, where somebody knew somebody. They arrived at the home or office of a “doctor” who could make the pregnancy go away.

It did. But the cheerleader from a good family did not make it through. Who knows what happened? Infection, perforation, uncleanliness, shame…. all contributed, and this beautiful young woman died at 16.

Her boyfriend lived. Probably less shamed than she was.

Abortion stops a beating heart… and illegal abortion frequently stops two beating hearts.

My dad was so sad and distressed at the loss of this young woman that he became a solid supporter of legal abortion, and was truly happy when Roe vs. Wade changed everything.

Abortion is not a good thing. But, in our culture, it is a real thing. Young men do not pay the price for sex that young women do. Illegal abortion may seem like the only option to a young woman who is desperate to avoid the shame and consequences of an unplanned pregnancy. The young man who enjoyed the encounter will go on with his life as if nothing happened, while the young woman will be forever changed.

Thou shalt not kill. Why should Thou shalt not kill apply to unborn babies, even fetuses, but not to their mothers? Or to soldiers being sent to war? If you are taking the Bible literally, I challenge you to ponder this commandment with all your heart and your reason.

I believe the desire to make abortion illegal again arises from a deep need of men to control women. It doesn’t really save lives to make abortion illegal, it just creates an even heavier burden on women, and leaves males high and unscathed.

So those of you who call yourself pro-life – ask yourself why God said Thou Shalt Not Kill and you and your preacher apply it to the unborn, but not to the young pregnant woman, nor the enemy soldier, nor to the convicted killer, nor to… what did God mean? And what did Jesus mean in his teachings of absolute unconditional love and forgiveness?

Why is blocking abortion so absolute for you, when other things slide right by?

And now, for another point of view. I had an abortion once. Here’s my story.

(Part II)

A Promise to Something

I was married, 28 years old with a strong willed 1 year old and an un-involved husband. My little girl was my first child. I was dealing with the emotional traumas of my own childhood and trying to parent differently than my parents had done with me. My husband was gone a lot and I had little family support. Then, using birth control, I became pregnant. I was horrified, and realized it at about 4 weeks along. Abortion was legal and safe. I immediately decided I was not ready to manage two children alone, primarily since it would mean a sort of emotional abandonment for my daughter. I refused to do that to her.

My husband did not disagree, drove me to a clinic, and I had what is called a D&C, about 5 weeks along. It was the most sobering day of my life.

Despite having left the church of my childhood and being un-religious at the time, I made a promise to Something that day. “If I ever am pregnant again unintentionally I will never terminate a pregnancy again. This is it.” Somehow that seemed the only really good thing that happened that day.

Two years later I delivered my first son, intentionally conceived, and the two children grew.

The years went by. My marriage was difficult and I largely raised the children alone. Money was tight, but I remained self-employed in order to be with the children as much as possible.

Then one Saturday, when my son was 5, I felt the familiar feelings. Fatigue. Swollen breasts. Unsettled stomach. Oh, no! It couldn’t be. I had an IUD in place and had worn it successfully for several years.

By then, pregnancy kits were sold OTC, so I purchased one that same day. The next morning: Yep. I was pregnant. Unbelievable. I went to the doctor Monday, and at first he doubted me. Then he examined my pelvis, and announced, “Oh, yes, you are pregnant!” At my request, he removed the copper 7 IUD right then and there.

And the seed that had started growing did not dislodge. Instead, as I absorbed the truth that I was carrying a third child, it settled in and grew securely.

My husband suggested possibly I would want an abortion?

No. Absolutely not. I had made a promise to whatever powers there are and I was not changing my mind.

It took most of the pregnancy to get past my reluctance to birth another child, but all went well. I delivered my second son in the spring, to the delight of my other children who were 9 and 6 when he was born.

Who lives, who dies… who decides?

That unexpected gift from the Universe – my second son – has gone on to be a delight, to marry first of all my children, and present me with my first two grand babies. Those two grand babies are the loves of my life and I have spent many hours loving and treasuring them.

Thou Shalt Not Kill. All my children are peaceful and loving human beings with a desire to make the world a better place, as was my father.

Had I not terminated the unexpected pregnancy at 5 weeks, my two sons born later would never have existed. Nor my grandchildren.

When my father chose not to go to war on religious grounds, who lived and who died because of his choice?

When another chose to sign up for that war, or any war, who lived and who died because of that choice?

We are all making life and death choices regularly, and if our hearts are in the right place, we understand the responsibility of those choices and we struggle with the morality of the decisions.

What did the God of the Old Testament mean?

Does it still apply today?

How do I apply it in my life?

Do I have the right to force others to understand it the way I do?

Dare to wrestle with these questions.

I believe abortion should be legal but rare. Scans of the fetuses as they grow, at 8 weeks and 12 weeks and 20 weeks give more context to those dates. Other healthy options should be available to all, especially the best birth control available and education. I believe as the pregnancy progresses other options should be utilized more and more unless there was rape, mother’s life in danger, or fetus is seriously damaged. I believe that the father, where possible, should be held accountable but that the mother should make the final decision, as this life is being carried in her body. I believe abundant information, education and support for both girls and boys can dramatically reduce the number of unplanned pregnancies and therefore the desire for termination.

I believe the dictate to honor Life (Thou shalt not kill) should be taken seriously and applied to other situations besides abortion – war and all its forms; the death penalty; health care/homelessness, and more.

I urge my readers not to oversimplify and trivialize our relationship to Life and Death. Abortion is not by any means the only way humans may deliberately take life. And yet, it is the only one that polarizes so many people. Where else are we as humans ending life, and why are we not looking at those issues?

Come into the DMZ with me and experience the dissonance. Then let’s find together the resolution.

Some things just need to get said.

July 3, 2018 Love or Fear Post a Comment

An Open Letter to All Americans

AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL AMERICANS July 1, 2018 published on my FB page

Natural born, naturalized, undocumented or in between

If you live in, love, or call yourself an American I’m presuming that you have some degree of love for this country. I’m also presuming that
you can see that we are in one of the worst pickles we – as a nation – have ever been in. It’s pretty up close and personal this time.

I am passionate about America: the founding principles, the lofty ideals, the opportunities we share and the general goodness of the American people (all of them). The last few years however we have been at each other’s throats and as anyone can see, that’s pretty dang destructive to our nation as a whole. And it could get worse, as we all know.

So here’s my letter to all of us, group by group, faction by faction, tribe by tribe. I write this in deep abiding hope that what holds us together – calling ourselves Americans – is more powerful than what is tearing us apart. Each of us is different and unique. But we have this thing – this overarching love and devotion – to this beautiful imperfect country.

Here goes:

To all you neo-Nazis and White Nationalists: you might be surprised, but I actually see your point. I don’t agree, but I see it. America was founded by white, male slaveowners (some of our founders anyway). So when you want to go back to that time and way of being, there’s some accuracy in your rationalization. BUT… the ideals those same white male slaveowners wrote contradicted their exclusive way of living. Decades later, it became clear that those ideals needed to be honored in full. Did you know that artists and writers and visionaries (like the Founding Fathers – FF for short) often write things beyond where they are able to live at that time? You can say they were “full of shit,” or didn’t really mean what they wrote. But I believe they did really mean it, and eventually our people moved closer to their amazing vision – that All Men (and Women) are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights. I also get it that you may be afraid of becoming a minority in America. Yes, that could happen. And there’s no way you can stave that off. Instead, I recommend not accruing anymore bad karma by brutalizing people of color. Instead, try being an ex-racist (yes, it has been done before). You might be surprised at how your life takes on a new and gentler “color,” and you make friends you never thought you’d make.

To all you evangelicals: I know you believe Jesus has saved you. I was “saved” once as well. Thanks to our Founding Fathers you have freedom to worship the way you want to without interference. But also thanks to the FF so do lots of other people. If you really study and pray about what Jesus taught I’m pretty sure you won’t find anything about shunning LGBTQ people, about abortion, about praying in schools (remember you are always free to pray in schools, the teacher just can’t lead everyone to pray), about not baking cakes, about banning Muslims… well you get the idea. MAGA is nothing that Jesus taught. Rather he stated – so clearly it has come down through the ages to us – the Greatest Commandment is Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. If Jesus has really saved you, demonstrate it by measuring everything against Jesus’ greatest commandments.

To all you liberals: I know you believe (I’ve been there too) that you are completely right and the Right is completely wrong. And any sarcastic and biting way you can make that point is completely justified. But… in any relationship, what you put into it comes back to you. The scorn and self-righteousness of the Left is part of what spawned the hatefulness of the Right. Yep. It is. No one likes to be scorned and made fun of. Also the conservatives-before-Trump actually have some reasonable points. In the old days, Right and Left people of Congress actually talked to each other with some measure of respect and worked out solutions. I recommend crossing those ideological lines and having respectful conversations about issues that matter. I recommend withdrawing your attention from the scorn and polarization and instead put your attention on building. Reconstructing our national dialogue.

To all you Trumpers: If you still love Trump you have had to overlook more things than I can enumerate here. Still, it’s true that he has awakened a lethargic voting population, and given voice to the frustration and hatred of many who have felt victimized and unheard. But if you like to cry “fake news” over anything that doesn’t please you, I implore you – if you love America – to do your research. Yes, evil-doers have created fake news, many on the Right, sadly, and some on the Left. Still, to cry “fake news” doesn’t make it fake. It makes it confusing. Do you honestly believe America can survive this intense polarization, corruption and hatefulness by finger-pointing and crying fake news? I don’t. Do your research. Think the immigrant children separation stories are fake? Gather a group of journalists and photographers from your church or community and go find out. “Truth exonerates, and truth convicts.” (Oprah Winfrey). The actual truth is untouched by the cries of fake news. It will endure. Whether our country will or not remains to be seen.

To the LGBTQ community: Twenty years ago I didn’t know several of the words that LGBTQ stands for. Now I do. You are so brave and our world is so much richer because of your courage and creativity. My advice for you? Hang in there. There’s a long ways to go but you have become visible, and honored, and free-er in the last 10 years than most of us would have ever imagined. Honor yourself and your creative gifts and keep on keeping on.

To the immigrants from all nations: Perhaps your family is light-skinned or has been here so long you are in no danger. Perhaps you are more recent, or you wear a hijab, or a turban and you experience the hostility that has been awakened lately. Perhaps you speak another language or have a strong accent. I wish I could make things all better and I can’t. But I can speak and live a truth: with the exception of Native American descendants, we are all immigrants and the children of immigrants, just some of us arrived earlier and some later. Half of my genetics comes from ancestors who arrived in the early 1600’s from England. The other half comes from German immigrants 300 years later. The German side of the family experienced hatefulness from neighbors during WWI. And probably again during WWII. America is above all a nation of immigrants, including colonialists and land-grabbers who took over the pristine land from the native peoples and claimed it as their own. I cannot stop the hatefulness, but I can tell you the truth. Those who are hateful to you? They are children of immigrants. Don’t let them fool you. Stand tall in your community. As my Kuwaiti friend says, “assimilate and learn American ways. But don’t give up your faith and your community.” Claim your place as best you can and hope that America as a nation rises above this bitter polarization.

To the Native people of America: You and I both know there is no going back, and no un-doing of the wrongs done to you. As I watch the immigrant children suffer from separation from their parents I am reminded of the suffering your people experienced when your children were taken and trained in the ways of the whites. For me, I am so sorry. I cannot undo history but I can acknowledge it and ask forgiveness. You are the first People, the first Americans (though I know that was never your word for this land). My advice for you? Claim your heritage. Study your heritage and renew it. Study how your people interacted with settlers and the US government. Do your best to resist bitterness and instead stand in truth. You deserve acknowledgement, honor, and a good place in this country. I honor you for your courage in spite of everything at Standing Rock, and through the decades.

To all People of Color: I am powerless to stop the brutality aimed randomly at people of color. But I am here to say I KNOW you matter and I KNOW you don’t deserve that treatment. I am so sorry for all the pain and injustice you have experienced. I also acknowledge the generational damage done to all people of color through slavery and the aftermath of discrimination and Jim Crow laws. I don’t have the wisdom to give advice to you but my only thoughts are to focus on the connections with people of all colors, people who care about equality and justice, and as I said last paragraph, do your best to resist bitterness, and stand in truth. There are so many wise and inspiring people of color contributing to a future different from the past.

To all law enforcement of all branches: I see your contributions and I am so grateful. Virtually all of my interactions with law enforcement have been positive and I have an instinctively positive response when I see a patrolman (unless I’ve been speeding of course). I invite you to lobby your departments to train in de-escalation and community involvement so that all members of your community can feel as safe and trusting as I do. I’m guessing you would rather your city or town be famous for an innovative Community and Cops program than for an incident-gone-bad that results in the death of an innocent person, whether that person is a citizen or law enforcement. There are ways to build those bridges and cross those lines with love.

To all undocumented immigrants: If I had my way you could all stay. But obviously I don’t run the country, and we now have reached a time when the persons in power are enforcing laws that have been on the books a long time. In addition they are making up new rules faster than we can deal with them. I get it that you have come from a dangerous and hostile world and logically see the US as a safe haven. And suddenly, it is not. I am so sorry for the pain you have experienced at our hands and the lack of options it seems you have, the danger in your home country. I do not know the answers or solutions. I do know that you deserve to be treated humanely, and to stay with your children. You are in my heart and my prayers, and those of many of my fellow citizens. Don’t give up hope. America is not living up to its ideals at this moment, but the ideals are still valid. Martin Luther King said, “I have a dream!” He did not live to see his dream unfold. Still his vision and the power of his work has inspired hundreds of thousands of others, and helped that dream unfold. Whether you are able to stay in the US or must return to your own country, keep your dream of a better life, a better world, and safety alive. Find others to join you and change something for the better.

The only way we can continue to live in relative peace in this beautiful land is to respect and trust each other more, rather than less. Let love lead the way.

Here are the simple but powerful things you can do, whichever group you find yourself in:

Remember America’s founding principles of justice, equality and freedom for all. Apply it to others, not just to yourself. What have you done today to honor another?
Make your Love an active principle. Love in action looks like kindness, honor and respect. Create it everywhere you go. No matter what. Where have you been kind today?
Honor Truth. Speak truth. Research everything you share. Don’t spread gossip, lies and propaganda. Everyday, dig a little deeper for the real truth in some story you hear. Be truth. What have you researched today?
Educate yourself about all these things. Follow your curiosity with reputable sources. Create questions. Look for the answers. History can teach us so much. What have you learned today that you didn’t know before?

Despite everything I remain an optimist. If I’m wrong, I would rather live as an optimist anyway. But hope and action and love are powerful forces. I invite you, my fellow Americans of all persuasions, to join me in these actions. Our beloved nation is at stake. And it belongs to all of us. Let Love lead the way.

Linda Chubbuck June 2018

June 27, 2018 Channeling, Conversations with Yeshua, Love or Fear 1 Comment

Empath for the World

Conversations with Yeshua. This is channeled material, edited minimally for clarity only. It is personal information given to me and my husband Stan, but relevant to many situations and this is one I am asked to share with the world.

Linda has been distressed at what she experiences as her distractibility and lack of focus and we would remind you that 2-3 simple practices can alter that. We will bring those up for examination now.

So the greater ease in your lives because of consistent income has reduced pressure and to some extent reduced focus especially in Linda. The doorways seem wider and more open and there are so many that she would enjoy walking through. So if you think of yourself as a spiritual and emotional refugee that has come from a difficult and challenging time and now you are in a space where you have everything you need – you have the ability to make choices and one of the things that can happen is a lack of focus.

There’s no need to chide yourself but it may help just to understand it. The remedy is to return your focus to your inner world and at least for the moment remove it from the outer world. Your inner world is rich and true and creative. With practices in place to check in there regularly, your distress at lack of focus will dissolve and you will find yourself playing a part in that larger outer world as well.

We encourage you to use a recorded insight meditation to restore your focus. We encourage you to journal and to channel. To call Silent Unity today, to write on your book today. Clear the channel and you will find your way again. Rather quickly because you are not as lost as you judge yourself to be.

We know that you have been distraught and despairing and even cynical about what is happening in the world. This is because of where you are in your gift to the world… you have a sensitivity.

In many ways you are an empath for the world and that’s not so easy. You are successful at creating boundaries with other persons in your family and your life and you do relatively well at that. But you have few filters and few boundaries when it comes to the planet.

And yet we admonish you to remember that your gift and your power lie in your own work and your own focus. A great deal of your pain in regards to the world will lift as you recommit to focusing on your own depth of connection. As you put your own gifts out into the world.

So imagine yourself as the herbalist, the herbalist who lives in the forest at the edge of the village, who knows so much and loves so greatly. But a plague comes and takes down the people of the town. And many people are suffering.

As the forest-dwelling herbalist do you stand on the edge of the village and watch in anguish as the plague takes people down? or do you go home and mix your healing remedies and do what you can?

We know you know. We are always with you, even when you feel you have lost focus we are right here.

April 11, 2018 Empowerment Post a Comment

The Power of Naming Your Hero

Parker Curry, age 2, was being difficult. Her mama wanted her to turn around so she could snap a photo of her in front of the regal portrait of Michelle Obama. But Parker ignored her, and stared transfixed at the image itself. In that moment, another visitor, Ben Hines, snapped a photo from the side, revealing Parker’s jaw-dropping awe.

Hines posted his photo on Facebook and it went viral.

Parker has now met and even had a dance party with Mrs. Obama. Suddenly the gates of possibility have been opened to her. This little girl’s entire life will probably be altered by her mama taking her to see a portrait of former First Lady Michelle Obama.

When I was 13 I went to “town school” for the first time, after spending my first eight grades in a one room school seven miles outside of our small town. I signed up for Chorus and quickly fell for both the music and the teacher, Mr. Secrest. My whole world opened up with music and by my sophomore year I was in the choir and small groups. All my friendships developed out of choir and I felt at home there, if hardly anywhere else at the much larger school. By my junior year I had a new music teacher, also a man.

Because both my parents were college grads, it was assumed I would go to college (even though it was also assumed I would marry and not need to work – it was the early ’60’s and that was still the expectation where I lived). But what was I going to do? What would I major in? I had no idea. Teaching felt really natural to me, but what would I teach? Obviously I couldn’t teach music.. I was female. It never even crossed my mind.

Until one day in my senior year.

That day my music teacher, Mr. Miller, brought in a lovely young woman and introduced her as our Student Teacher. Really? I couldn’t believe it. Remember Shari Lewis and LambChop? To me she looked just like the beautiful Shari Lewis… how could she be a music teacher?

The days went by with her observing, until one day Mr. Miller left her in charge. And, we sang. We worked together with her, for her, and I loved her in the same way I had loved my male teachers.

But she opened a door for me that neither of the men had opened. If she could be a music teacher, so could I.

I started college in the fall of 1966, majoring in music and graduated four years later with a music degree. None of that would have happened without Miss Vathauer, who was one of my first heroes (she-roes!).

Unbeknownst to her, she lit a light that I followed and it changed my life.

We are watching as powerful men and sometimes women fall from their positions of power. We see the inauthenticity and outright lies and it’s easy to become cynical. Who could possibly be my hero now?!

In the early ’90’s I became obsessed with Styx’s song “Show me the Way.” “All the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay….and I feel this emptiness inside – so afraid, I’ve lost my faith.”

But if we don’t require our heroes and she-roes to be perfect, simply authentic and real and courageous – our lives will be richer for having them.

The Superheroes in Black Panther are affecting children of color powerfully. But if you want a new human hero, follow the stories of the real people – like director, Ryan Coogler. Or Lupita Nyong’o. Or Oprah Winfrey. Or… the lists could go on and on.

Who is your hero or she-ro? Who makes you wish you had done what they have done? Who is a shining light? Let someone inspire you. Follow the stories, paintings, songs, songwriters, authors, actors, entrepreneurs… discover the ones that electrify you. That make you believe MORE is possible than you ever dreamed.

There is tremendous power in naming and learning about our heroes. To focus on your heroes is to turn towards what is possible, away from what is wrong.

And you will find yourself someone’s hero one day.

February 22, 2018 Gratitude, Judgment, Love or Fear, Pivot Post a Comment

Pivoting To Claim Your Miracle

Have you ever been stuck in a confined space (like an airport terminal waiting area) with a crying baby nearby?

Let me guess… your thoughts scroll through this list: “Poor kid. Wish the mom would do something. Ommmm. Ignore it. Baby will quit soon – surely! For God’s sakes what is wrong with that kid! What is wrong with that mom!? Ommmmm… I want the peace of God…”

Safe bet that most of the travelers within earshot are entertaining similar thoughts, and the emotions that arrive on the heels of their thought-of-choice.

But here’s a story I read this week about several women who did something different. Pivoted.

In the LA airport (I’ve been through it – not an uplifting place IMO), a toddler waiting with his pregnant momma began to cry, then to wail. He had a total meltdown and despite his momma’s best efforts, would not board their plane nor stop screaming. His mother, because of his size and her pregnant belly, could not just pick him up and take him.

After several failed attempts the mother did something unusual.. she knelt down beside her screaming son and wept on the floor.

Who knows what thoughts were going through the minds of those nearby?

But something shifted. One by one, several women nearby got up and knelt down beside the weeping mother and her screaming son, making a circle around them. Beth, the woman who later told the story on Facebook, sang Itsy Bitsy Spider. Another woman peeled an orange to offer. Another found a little toy in her handbag. Another helped the momma get out a sippy cup and get her son a drink.

Suppose any of them were praying as well?

Both Momma and Son calmed down, were able to board the plane, and the circle of 6 or 7 women dissolved back into the waiting passengers, without discussing the incident.

A miracle of connection, calming and gratitude happened where there was anger, fear and despair before.

What catalyzed the pivot?

Someone – then several someones – chose gratitude and love over grudges and judging.

Instead of resenting the mom, ignoring the crying, or judging the situation, the women chose loving action and presence.

A Course in Miracles says Judgment is the weapon I would use against myself, to keep the miracle away from me. (from Lesson 347)

If you stay in judgment and resentment you will never know what miracle could have appeared if you pivoted into gratitude. Maybe your miracle was simply your peace of mind. Or maybe it was something far more astonishing.

Like a Circle of Women appearing to transform despair into peace in the LAX terminal.

copyright Linda Chubbuck 2018

December 6, 2017 Channeling, Conversations with Yeshua 1 Comment

A Thunderstorm to Go With the Change

The questions I asked this morning in late October were about my personal health challenges at the time, along with the political landscape and chaos. This was the response.

You have to remember that long sought-after change frequently arrives in the midst of what could either be called chaos or challenges.

The change that you wish for is radically different enough that just coming on a clear blue-sky day doesn’t happen. There is a thunderstorm to go with it. And the events of your life then end up being the thunderstorm.

You can interpret them as suffering, but you don’t have to. You can interpret them as signs of change instead. Things are being uncovered, things are being revealed – that needed to be revealed.

Things are being unlearned that seemed set in concrete. Eyes are being opened. Some of this is not comfortable even though it may be ultimately freeing.

You will heal from all of this, to where it’s barely a memory. At the moment the best course is to allow the emotions to come and go knowing that they are the waves of thunder and the bolts of lightning. But they don’t stay. Behind them all the sun is shining and the Heart of the Divine is always present.

We will give you the answer to all, which we say, tongue in cheek… the answer to all is: do your research, learn, explore, use your intelligence.. then let go. And trust the miracles.

Do your research. Trust the miracles.

Remember this one. We are glad you come to listen. You are doing well.

September 25, 2017 Ancestral Survival Skills ASS, Evolving Now, Healing, Love or Fear, New Normal Post a Comment

Why I’m creating a New Normal instead of using my ASS (Ancestral Survival Skills)

Today I feel “normal.” I’m trying to do normal things – like paying the bills, cleaning the clutter and the floors, watering my thirsty garden, cleaning the kitchen, and yes, writing. Your list may be longer, but with a similar sense of urgency I’m guessing. This feels normal to me.

But there’s a longer view. A bigger picture that is pulling me in. It’s starting to come into focus for me. Seeing through the glass darkly all my life, I’m now beginning to see face to face.

Here’s the bigger picture. We are living in a time of rapid evolution. A few visionaries know this and talk about it, but most of us just keep on living from the skills our species evolved thousands of years ago.

Those ASSes

And those skills – honed to live in a very different world – are killing us now.

Let’s examine our Ancestral Survival Skills (ASS for short).

Those ASS skills – the skills that gave our ancestors enough years of life to reproduce – include the famous Fight/Flight/Freeze response to danger. That danger/stress response has become chronic in many of us. Stress is now linked to the top 6 causes of death in the US, and 75{e5e6110c802fdb1e05cdfcf4662e0e010d7c870f1f57cfa3ea8c73ada09f2974} of all visits to doctors are stress-related.

Those Ancestral Survival Skills – that Darwin examined as he wrote of the survival of the fittest – include a Negativity Bias, an alertness to whatever “bad” thing there is that might threaten us. Our media knows this and sells issues or shows based on blood, conflict, trauma and especially, fear.

Those ASS skills include a strong preference for sweet, salt, carbohydrates, and fat, to keep our bodies healthy through famine times. Foods with these flavors but without innate nutrients contribute to innumerable health issues.

Those ASS skills include a brute strength to take on any enemy. We live in a time of quick reactions to perceived aggression—which sometimes results in innocent lives lost.

Ancestral Survival Skills. Fight/Flight/Freeze. Negativity Bias. Appetite for Sweets, Carbs, Salts and Fats. Reactive Aggression.

Those served our paleolithic, tribal, close-to-nature ancestors so well that they survived the large mammal attacks, the snakes in the grass, the brutal winters, the times of famine, the hostile neighbors. They thrived and built civilizations and had babies and kept learning.

They gave us life and the world we live in today.

But the world we live in is not the world they lived in. And it’s changing so rapidly none of us can keep up, using our normal ASS skills.

Danger? or Opportunity? Depends on the Tools you Choose

Did you know that oxygen was once a toxin? Yep. For the anaerobic bacteria that were the dominant species on the planet oxygen was a poison and fortunately for them, there was very little of it. Then the blue-green algae began to flourish, throwing off oxygen as a by-product. Eventually there was so much oxygen there were massive die-offs. Other life forms – tiny plants – developed which could use oxygen. The anaerobic bacteria were relegated to the bottom of the ocean. Those other life forms began to flourish. Suddenly a whole new world opened up. A world where oxygen was no longer a toxin. (Read more here)

We are in the midst of another evolutionary leap. There are no guarantees. There are dozens of ways we could end human life on earth right now and create our own mass extinction.

But I believe we won’t. I believe we will instead evolve to the next level of humanity. I believe we will let go of the ASS, and will discover and use new tools that serve who we are now and where we are headed. And with enough of us using those new tools, we will make it.

Here are the tools – the Connective Survival Tools (CST) – that we need to “breathe oxygen” and to make it into the future:

1) The ability to live in two worlds at once – the physical, and the mental/spiritual – and maintain sanity.

2) The ability to acknowledge the negative, the dangers, without focusing there and feeding that negativity with our creative energy.

3) The ability to sort through the vast information swamps and choose what is actually helpful to our own peace and harmony and growth.

4) The ability to activate the Heart – to become aware of the ASS stress response and instead to train our bodies to live in Heart Coherence.

5) The ability to know our own Evolutionary Appetites, and to choose beneficial foods for our bodies instead of partaking from the vast buffet available to us without regard for consequences.

6) The ability to use intention, meditation, visualization, intuition, imagination and creativity from a place of peace, of mindfulness, to create the world we want to live in – to reinvent our selves and our world.

7) The ability to choose our Tribe based on the tools that Tribe is using and our desire to grow and thrive with them.

8) The ability to enjoy our Tribe while interacting with other Tribes in peaceful ways.

9) The ability to practice – and identify with – Love as the Creative Connective Force which underlies all Life and all of these principles.

Each of these invites exploration and expansion and I’ll write more about each in the coming days.

Alma, Eva, and my New Normal

Today, my ASS( Ancestral Survival Skills) told me to clean the kitchen, sweep the floor, pay the bills. My ASS self (we’ll call her Alma)

insisted that was the only responsible thing to do. But today I’m learning to breathe that seemingly dangerous oxygen… I’m learning to cultivate Heart Coherence, and to make new choices. My Connective Angel (Eva we’ll call her) quietly but firmly nudged me to walk away from a messy kitchen (I never do that!) and to write instead.

I’m learning to retrain my body out of its habitual (feels normal to me!) stress state, which has resulted in hypertension, and into a state of heart coherence and peace – which is actually measurable by simple to use instruments.

My sister once told me that we overestimate what we can do in one year, and underestimate what we can do in five.

We are in an accelerated period of evolutionary change. Humans must begin to recognize and use their creative power wisely. Humans must recognize that many of our Ancestral Survival Skills are now devastating our bodies, our communities and our planet.

I’m training myself to a New Normal. Teaching my body the Connective Survival Tools means putting Creativity ahead of house-cleaning. Peaceful Body ahead of washing dishes. Connecting ahead of negativity bias.

Just like it took me several months and intense training to learn to drive, so it now may take focus and intense training to teach my body new tools. I must remember I overestimate what I can do in 5 days, and underestimate what I can do in 3 months.

I am part of the evolutionary process and I will do it with Love and Open Eyes.

I’m creating a New Normal. Will you join me?

September 20, 2017 Healing, Love or Fear Post a Comment

Triage for the Soul: When Positive Thinking Fails

Yesterday I found myself in the shadows – again. Verging on despair, I saw lack and pain everywhere I looked. For a few hours, I was living on the Dark Side.

I kept trying to switch to positive thoughts. But it wasn’t working. I felt like someone had flash frozen my outsides, while my insides were spinning and agitated. Happy thoughts were failing me.

An old tub washer made of ice, set on heavy duty, working on a tub full of mud. That was me.

The issues were 1) two fractured neck vertebrae (4 weeks ago now) and the rigid neck brace I wear day and night; 2) poor sleeping because of the neck brace; 3) worsening sleep apnea because of the neck brace; 4) chronic borderline hypertension and possible medication coming up, and 5) ten days of our beautiful tomcat Mr. Kitty gone missing.

My efforts at meditation felt meaningless. My biofeedback practice gave me lackluster results (I can’t get this stuff to work!). Our posters for Mr. Kitty yielded no results. And my positive thinking efforts were met by my inner cynic. I won’t tell you what she said.

Worst of all, trying to go to sleep at night resulted in finally getting drowsy, then as eyes closed, my throat closed as well and I choked. And woke up of course, repeatedly. Until I didn’t even want to try to sleep anymore. My blood pressure was high in the morning because of the sleep apnea.

Yesterday was crappy.

Traumas and Sorrows, to Joy and Resources

I finally set up a phone appointment with my brother, a Somatic Experience Psychotherapist*, for evening.

By the end of the session with him I realized that I had been blocking the real sense of loss and grief I had over the fractures, my immobility, what “could have happened,” and then, the loss of our kitty as well. Lots of tears. But by the end of the tears and the end of the session, I felt thawed out and peaceful inside.

I also was reminded of the many resources I have, and that I don’t have to stay in that frozen mud place. I can move in and out. Even during the ambulance ride to the ER for the fractures, I knew I would be okay. I can go back to that knowing now.

My brother described an infinity sign, like a figure 8 laid on its side, with one of the loops containing the traumas and sorrows, and the other, all the resources I have in my life. We all want the happy side. But the pain and the shadows are also part of us and cannot be long ignored, or we become frozen and joyless.

I can acknowledge, feel, and cry over the traumas – which are real, but not the only thing in my life. Then I can move myself, thawed out, to the Resources. There I find my husband, my friends, my large and loving community, my children, my prayers, my books, my spiritual practice, my songs, nature, and more.

Maybe most important, my own sense of trust and empowerment.

Pain Wants to Change Me

I forget so readily this easy move back and forth, from pain to peace. Each time I try to avoid the pain and just think happy! Sometimes that works.

But other times, the pain is deep enough it can’t be brushed off like a fly. It must be acknowledged and incorporated. It wants to change me, and if I refuse to admit it’s there, it spins faster, freezes harder, and I grow more frantic. (Sounds like hypertension doesn’t it?)

Triage is the intake area in battle or disaster situations, where a quick evaluation is made of the wounded, and patients are then moved into areas based on their traumas and needs.

When things go sour for me, when I am wounded by something, I have to remember to do triage for my soul. How bad am I hurt? Will a little positive thinking lift my spirits?

Or do I need “surgery?” Do I need the deep care that acknowledges and cleanses the hurt before the stitching back together and the TLC?

Gifts from the Dark Side

Both are important. But if you find yourself with a deepening sense of despair and hopelessness, or an inner anxiety that won’t let go unless you self-medicate, then I encourage you to take a Guide with you and visit that frozen mud, that monster inside.

Visit the Dark Side within and cry your tears. Feel your grief, your regrets. Bring the Light of your love into your own shadows. It is Positively Okay to feel sadness now and then.

Then come out into the Sunshine, remind yourself of Light, and call upon your Resources. Make a note not to be afraid to check out the Dark Side now and again. There may be gifts waiting for you there.

* Paul Chubbuck is a counselor in Fort Collins CO who also does online work. You can find him at Releasing the Past .

September 18, 2017 Channeling, Conversations with Yeshua, Empowerment, Love or Fear Post a Comment

A Proclivity for Violence

Stan: I’m asking about my body… my body’s kind of structural aches and pains that are becoming chronic.

Would you reword that? Becoming implies future, correct?

S. Yeah.

Can you say something along the lines of “pains that have been with me for awhile and I’m ready to be done with them”?

S: Yeah, certainly.

Can you feel the difference in that?

S: Yes. I’m ready to move forward on healing several aspects of my body and I have different practitioners and different ways forward and I just wondered if there was any guidance.

Yes, we’re glad you asked. So are you ready for some honesty?

S: YES.

The Familiarity of Violence

We believe that you remain unaware of this factor. We’re going to put it into words and ask you to look at it and be willing to heal this first of all. And you will be astonished at how much else heals. That is, you have a proclivity for violence in language, in actions, in thoughts. Because you have matured and grown as a loving being, the damage has been confined to primarily your own body and aches and pains. You have not had a lot of accidents in your life. Violent thoughts can draw to yourself accidents and you have not had a lot of those.

Nevertheless those thoughts are influencing your body. Can you feel the truth in what we say or do you feel resistance?

S: No, I can feel that.

Does it feel extremely familiar to you, that way of being?

S: Yes.

What would it take to have that not feel familiar? What would it take to release that?

S: Well, that overarching love feeling (discussed earlier here: Put Joy and Love )–bringing love to bear at every moment and every aspect.

All right, let’s take a moment and just explore that, with no other concerns about healing right now. Just explore. When we use the word violence and suggest that’s a chronic streak in your state of mind, and you can agree that this is so, can you give us a couple of recent examples of this?

S: I spoke of a terrorist that should be ground into pulp. Quite often I react with anger and violence to cars that are speeding. And there’s no love at all.

And underlying the violence would be… is it fear? Can you take it back a layer? Just peel back the layers and see what’s behind there?

S: Hmmm.. it’s kind of like if I did that I would face certain violence against me. As if I’m saying “Don’t you know that doing this will mean that you will be violently treated — or injured?”

Let yourself explore that for a moment. Just feel it. Any one of the incidents that feels close to you. Just let yourself go there. Let yourself go back.

Love and Violence

Any words, any shapes, any colors, any stories that come to you now, just speak them. If you wish, travel back in time, like you do with Inner Counselor.* There is something in you says “This is the answer to life. This is the answer to difficult, the answer to pain, the answer to problems.”

We invite you to let that unfold..

S: I’m remembering a practice we (my family) had with the dogs and cats we liked — the barnyard cats that were effective, the dogs we fell in love with. We would hold them down and run over their tales with a wagon or a tractor.

How did you feel during that?

S: Very conflicted as a young boy.

What was the conflict?

S: Deliberately hurting the creature.

And calling it Love?

S: Right.

Do you believe it was love?

S: “It’s for your own good.” A phrase I heard a lot. “I’ll beat you now but it’s for your own good.”

Uh-hmm. Let your heart feel that.

A Violent Prescription?

You’ve mentioned experiencing a lack of training, training that leads a young person to a better place. And in place of training was episodic violence.

S: Yes.

And do you see how you have matured into a man who controls that violence? You are not a violent person towards other people. But you also haven’t really healed it.

It’s as if there’s a streak of violence and the anguish that goes with it running straight through your body. Vertically. And it can’t just live there peacefully, it has to be expressed. So there’s this violent edginess, watching for someone that needs a violent prescription.

Including yourself.

Do you see how difficult it is for your body to be completely at ease, completely healthy? With that streak very present?

S: Yeah.

So think of any animal or child that you love without reservation. Who comes to mind?

S: Oh… Max.

Alright. Now put him in your arms, in your heart. Would you run over his finger to keep him from doing something that he should not?

S: No.

Why not?

S: It’s a bad lesson.

What would you do instead?

Can Love Be the Teacher?

S: I would talk to him. Explain things. Give him examples. Let him practice the right behavior.

And if he failed?

S: I might try it in a different setting.

Do you think love itself can be a teacher? Love and experience and wisdom? Or is violence a necessary part of teaching?

S: It’s not.

We invite you to revisit your own lessons in violence and your own tendency in that direction and put them side by side with Max. And consider if you are wiling to let them go.

This may have to happen over a period of days or weeks. You may even want to have a ceremony of release. You’ll find that when you do this, when you allow yourself to become aware and then choose to release that habitual reaction— that your body will heal so quickly you will be amazed.

A Love Brigade

S: I see a vision of a very strong rigid hedge post somewhere down the middle of my body.

Yes.

S: And a kind of a love brigade of composting organisms that are starting to turn it into valuable material by slowly digesting it.

Yes. You’ll need to make a commitment to catch yourself because these violent thoughts are aimed at the world at large, at drivers and others, at yourself. They are random grenades that are thrown off. Your awareness is the first medicine.

You have to make a choice that this thought is not useful. It’s not coming from love and it’s not the way you want to live your life. Once your’ve made that intention and decision, your awareness will increase, and then it’s a matter of just breaking those habits.

Have we given you enough of a road map to find your way into healing from this?

S: Yes.

Catch all of those thoughts and bring Max into the picture. Ask: “Would I do this to him?”

S: Right. And everyone is beloved of God.

Yes. Alright. We are glad you come to listen. We’re always glad to connect. We are always present, but an intentional connection is different than just vague awareness.

Have a blessed day.

* Inner Counselor is a process developed by Ann Nunley, MFA, Preceived September 9, 2017